The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap – Chubby Cheeks & Water Fights

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap – Chubby Cheeks & Water Fights

This week’s show opens with Melissa and her husband Joey gossiping about her confrontation with Theresa from last week over pancakes.

The only thing interesting in this scene is that both of them are eating their pancakes plain.  No syrup, no whipped topping; just plain pancakes.  That is such a waste of a breakfast food!  I care about these things, you guys.

Caroline visits the location of her sons’ new restaurant set to open soon in Hoboken.  I love Caroline’s sons.  They’re the only characters who don’t take a single bit of this show seriously…just like me.  Also, I want to squeeze the chubby one’s cheeks so badly.

Melissa takes a meeting with her publishers to discuss the book she is writing.  I think it’s a rule of The Housewives to A:  record a song and B:  write a book.  The publishers (completely untold by the producers of the show I’m sure) ask Melissa to talk about her father and she tells them through tears about him leaving the family on and off and cheating on her mother.

Later in the episode, she opens up about how he died when she was young from a car accident.  It would be a sad scene except for the fact that she can’t properly wipe away her tears because of the massive fake eyelashes she’s wearing at the time.

Theresa takes her mother-in-law out for a pedicure and manicure and I’m pretty sure the camera man has a foot fetish because he zooms in on their feet over and over.  I would rather stare at the boring pancakes, thanks.

Jacqueline’s trainer comes over for a home session with full hair and makeup and heels on.  Needless to say, Jacqueline does one squat and spends the rest of the “session” talking about Theresa while her trainer rolls her eyes in exasperation.  She finally gives up and lays on the floor claiming that meditation is part of working out.

Kathy takes her family and all the housewives except Theresa out to celebrate her daughter and husband’s birthdays.  They spend pretty much the entire party gossiping about the ongoing feuds with Theresa.  Nothing interesting happens except yet again showing Kathy’s sister, who seems to have a drinking problem, screaming and causing a scene at a 19 year old’s birthday party.

Maybe the producers think moments like these are good tv, but they just make me cringe.

Theresa and her brother Joey meet for the first time this season; where else but the gym we saw so much of last episode.  I won’t completely recap the fight for you because it’s just too mature for you guys.  A good chunk of it is about Twitter.  So yeah, too mature for you.  Also, I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to type half the words they use in that fight.  Yikes.

The episode ends with Theresa throwing water all over Joey and storming out of the gym.  As she walks out, she screams back at him, “Go scratch!”  Which I kind of love as a new insult because it makes absolutely no sense.

Next week, Kathy fights with her husband and Joey calls Melissa out on her actions towards Theresa.  And lots of cursing.  And probably that damn gym again.  See you guys then!

Consumer Expert Valerie Giroux

My name is Val. I'm a currently unemployed, former receptionist who recently finished grad school and moved across the country and is still deciding whether or not to have babies. I like to read, eat cheese, pick out outfits that don't match, drink wine, talk about my dogs, watch my husband clean, and blog about it all.