All The Insanity In Game Of Thrones Episode 5: The Door

So before we start let me hop out of the DeLorean and check my flux capacitor because Holy Back to the Future!! Game of Thrones was LIT tonight!

Okay let’s attempt to decipher all the insanity we saw in Episode 6, The Door.

Sansa seems to be back at her needlepoint, a nod to her happier days when she gets a message from Littlefinger to come meet him at Starbucks in Moletown.

Why? I can’t fathom her even considering it.

She should have come in swinging or, let’s be real, come in behind Lady Brienne while she’s swinging. Instead, she gives him idle threats and tries to make him feel bad about all the torture she suffered at Ramsey’s hand.

Littlefinger has no soul, I don’t think he gives a flying raven for what Sansa has been through. After he pretends to be sorry and remorseful, he further manipulates her by trying to make her doubt Jon’s loyalty to her.

Littlefinger promises her an army loyal to her if she will accept his help. I imagine this is what the serpent sounded like in the Garden of Eden.

Later Sana does promise this army to “The Make Winterfell Great Again” cause, but leaves out any connection to Littlefinger. Bad form, this will come back to bite her.

Oh, Jon has a man-bun. That is all.

The Waif/Big Sister/Hater is still kicking Arya’s butt every chance she gets. I feel like the Waif may not be “No One” like she claims. She seems to have a personal dislike for Arya. I have a feeling she is related to someone on the Kill Bill List. I’m betting on the Freys.

No Name tests Arya again by sending her to scope out a new target. The target is an actress who happens to be starring in a play about Arya’s actual life in King’s Landing. The play portrays her father as a stupid traitor who gets his head cut off and her sister as a stupid victim of everyone. Arya visibly struggles to maintain her facade.

In the beginning, the servants of The Many-Faced God seemed some noble fraternal order of ninjas. I suspect they are something both more sinister and more plebian. I thought there was some divine order for who they chose to kill. Maybe it’s as ordinary as who can pay the price. I feel major side-eye coming. We’ll see.

The Iron Born meet out on a rock for their Kinsgmoot/Queensmoot. It seems to go as planned. Yara makes her claim, Theo backs her. Then old Uncle Euron comes in and playa hates on them both. He promises to both claim the throne plus Danaerys and her dragons to rule Westeros. Bit ambitious if you ask me. But the salty folks like him. Next thing you know it’s all those in favor, drown your new king. And so they do. For once people on this show get out while the gettin’ is good. Theo, Yara and their crew get the hell out of dodge and steal a bunch of ships. Good for them. Let Euron keep his soggy throne.

Side notes: Theon gets a new haircut. He is no longer Reek. I appreciate this. Euron’s crown is ridiculous. He wore it tilted like a salty pimp. I giggled. This was the first interesting scene in the salt islands. I may enjoy this storyline.

Back in Vaes Dothrak, Dany has found her clothes and her new army. She attempts to friend zone Jorah once again when he hits her with a two piece. I love you, oh, and I have severely dry skin that will eventually drive me insane and I’ll die. She instantly forgives him and tells him to cure himself and return to her. He leaves to find a Walgreens presumably and she leads her new army back to Meereen.

In Meereen, Tyrion and Varys seem pleased that their truce with the slave masters seems to be working. They call on a new red woman for support. She’s all in because apparently Dany is who was promised. Now wait a minute. Wait a damn minute. I thought it was a prince who was promised. Stannis and now Jon? I have lost count of all the people who were promised at his point. Varys said you can’t trust fanatics. I agree with him. This new red priestess also has the fountain of youth necklace. I’m gonna keep my eye on her.

Bran and his Three Eyed Yogi go back in time and see the Children of the Forest actually create the Night’s King as a weapon. He apparently went all terminator and now they can’t control him or kill him. That’s karma for you.

Later Bran sneaks back into warg mode and mistakenly finds himself in the middle of present day Night King’s army. The Night’s King can see him. He also grabs Bran’s arm touching him and branding him. It’s like hypothermia in a tattoo.

Bran apologizes, but it’s too late. The Night’s King is on his way to battle now. Yoda tells Bran “It’s time for you to become me”.

For reasons I can’t yet understand, The Three Eyed Raven takes Bran back to the courtyard to watch Young Ned go off to The Eyrie and they choose this place to chill while a battle with zombies is going on around them. Go figure. The Children of the Forest and Meera put up a heck of a fight. In the midst of the battle, we lose another damn Direwolf. I’m getting tired of this. R.I.P. Summer.

Meera keeps trying to reach Bran in his green dream and finally he hears her pleas to once again warg into Hodor and help them get out of there. He doesn’t leave the dream (I don’t get why) but he does warg into Hodor, somehow in both the present and the past. The main leaf chick sacrifices herself to help Bran, Meera, and Hodor get away. The three eyed Yoda gets hacked by Night’s King and turns into dust.

Finally, Hodor gets the back door open. Yes sir, there is a real back door, to the cave, under a tree. I don’t even know how this is a thing. They get the door open and run out into a snow hurricane. But somebody’s gotta hold the door against the entire Walking Dead Cast trying to get out.

So Meera runs off dragging Bran, who is still greenseeing. He is a slacker. All the while screaming for him to hold the door, hold the door. He holds it. Back in the past Wylis/Hodor drops into some sort of seizure, also screaming hold the door, hold the door, as Bran stares in horror.

Back to the future, Hodor is still holding the door while being torn to shreds by the walkers. In the past, Wylis’s seizure continues, but his screams of hold the door start to slur as his speech deteriorates into something more familiar. Hold the door, hold door, Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. Hodor = Hold The Door. Yes, that really happened.

I am starting to get a real Back to the Future/St. Elsewhere vibe here. What if the three-eyed raven is older Bran? What if all previously mentioned Bran versions were the same Bran trying to correct his mistakes over and over again? What if everything that has happened was set in motion by Bran time traveling and screwing things up?

We are left with some answers, but so many more questions.

Hit me up and let’s talk about it!

Have A Question? Ask Jessica!

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